Salon debate

There seems to be a debate raging on salon.com after my piece, Why My Coach Got Away With Sexual Abuse, appeared on Friday. Check the comments section. It's a little nasty. Anyway, just to clarify, he wasn't my coach. He was the national team coach. And I did travel with him and compete under his tutelage in several major international meets - most notably the 1985 World Championships and the 1986 Goodwill Games. That said, I didn't spend my day in day out training with him. Ok this is besides the point, I just didn't want to mislead.

The debate which seems to have missed the point of the piece is around - Should we compare the anal raping of a 10 year old (by Sandusky) to the somewhat less overtly violent sexual abuse of a 16 year old (by Peters)? I say somewhat less overtly violent because clearly the anal invasion of a child is a horribly obvious coercive and violent act; no 10 year old boy would do this willingly. That said, knowing Doe personally, I know there was nothing consensual about the abuse that she suffered. It wasn't sex. It was rape (and now I sound like a "Take Back the Nighter" ala 1989 but it's true.)

Someone posting under the name of Dr. Owens suggests that Doe was complicit. That all teenage girls are misdirected horny sexpots spewing pheromones everywhere with no sense or distinction as to who might be a good target. That teenage girls go around seducing teachers and parents of friends and any adult who might be able to stick it to em because they are just so damn horny! And this may be partially true. Teenagers' hormones can take over. But this is not what happened. She was a 16 year old girl, who physically and emotionally was likely closer to 11 (that's how we all were); and, not to belabor the point, THERE WAS NOTHING CONSENSUAL ABOUT THIS SITUATION. He used his power and authority to take something from her that was not his to take. Period. Assuming it wasn't sexual abuse is paramount to assuming that there is no such thing as rape. That if a girl or a woman is of age or at least close to it, she's always willing. It reminds me of the age old (not so old really) laws that held that a woman could not be raped by her husband. All marital "sex" is consensual. No. Not so.

But comparing "which abuse is worse" was not the point of the piece. And doesn't really serve much point regardless (tell it to the abused!). The point of it was to explain why the microcosmic world of elite competitive athletics allows for abuse. (And please, no comparisons to the local little league or soccer coach directing a rag tag group of 7 year olds. I'm talking about seriously intense internationally or nationally competitive athletics. When the stakes are high, the rules are different.) The abuse laid out in both instances was brushed aside by people who knew. If not allowed, it was certainly not exposed. Here's why: the coach is all powerful. The athletes and parents and sports officials serve HIM and the sport, not the kids. Not always, but all too often. The kids who get abused are simply casualties of war. And in some instances, it's not even viewed as abuse, at least not abuse that is bad enough to have to do anything about.

Doe is a case in point here. Dr. Owen's point of view is probably not all that dissimilar to that of those who may have known about it back then. And for those commenters who argue: rumors are not enough to have done anything about it. I ask you: if it were your child, and there were rumors of a teacher abusing kids in her classroom, would you not go to the principal, to a law enforcement official and say - please look into this! I think you might.

So argue all you want about the finer points of molestation vs rape vs misdirected teenage lust. They aren't fine points really. They are major distinctions that have legal implications. And I wasn't trying to have that debate anyway. I was merely trying to explain, from an athlete's insider perspective, why, perhaps, Paterno didn't do all that he could have, why the girls that Peters abused didn't come forward sooner. And why the reasons in these two instances are likely kind of similar.