I have this nagging suspicion that I have over-committed. Again. It isn't bothering me. I like being over-committed and semi-frantic. It makes me feel productive and jazzed and frankly... joyful. It gives me a giddy buzz. It's kind of like Ritalin (from what I've read, of course) - the racing around, the speedy heart beat, the non-stop energy! Woohoo! I know this makes me sound terribly unhealthy. But after a year and a half of "taking it easy" (for me, anyway)... I'm ready to dive into too much work. Not that I was really taking it easy in the last 18 months. I was getting divorced which takes a lot of one's mental and emotional energy. But my usual approach to some sort of trauma or discomfort would be to work. Harder. But I didn't. I took some time. Spent it with my kids. Picked them up from school a few days a week. Hung with them in the afternoons. My version of chilling out. While still working like a nutter.
But now... I've poured fuel on the fire. I've taken on this board appointment for Safe4Athletes, a cause I'm passionate about. I've taken on an extra little gig at work in addition to my day job. But it's fun! And scary! And all the things I like about new experiences because let's face it folks - anything you ever do that makes you proud of yourself is hard and scary. Period. If you never push yourself to do anything hard and scary, well, chances are you won't look back and go: I did that! Which may not matter to you. And more power to you if that is the case. You're probably a lot calmer and easier to be around than I am. But to me, it matters. It just does and I accept that about myself.
What else? I kind of said I'd write some books. A young adult series, a "Black Swan" meets gymnastics type of thing. I know about that stuff. Them books should write themselves! (Hah) I wrote a proposal. They liked it. And now I find myself in the position of having to write some chapters. I've got some pages. It's not a pipe dream. But I gotta do it.
And as if all that stuff wasn't enough, I got those pesky kids who I want to spend time with. And I haven't let that wane at all. I pick them up from school a few days a week, we hang out, we do homework, we cook dinner, we watch bad TV and laugh. We have adventurous Saturdays and brunch on Sunday mornings. We have fun.
And I've got a boyfriend I want to spend time with. And that time can't always be combined with kid time. Oh yeah, and I need to exercise. It sounds like I need an extra day or two in the week. Or to give up sleeping which I've been known to do in the past (ok, now I sound like a Bi-polar in a manic state). Is this remotely possible, what I've just laid out? Sounds like it isn't... but I'm going to try.
I'm a huge proponent of an "irons in the fire" approach to life. Get lots of stuff going. Something will work out. Get one thing going, well, the odds are less in your favor. You gotta go one for one in that particular instance. The danger in my approach is two fold: 1) you might drive yourself mad - develop insomnia or a problem with uppers; 2) everything might work out and then you've got WAY too much to do.
See right now, if I write a few chapters, the publisher might go: no thanks. One iron down. OR...they might like it, and suddenly...well now I've really got to finish the book.
I try to make sure the irons are all irons that are worth heating. Or else I'd end up with multiple hot pokers none of which I want to be holding. Ouch.
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