Just a few years ago, I was prone to be stressed out about work. (Now ... I was probably pretty anxious in general. Home life - eh. Pouring my life into the non-stop turmoil of work, wading through the quagmires and feeling triumphant, heroic! at the end... that felt good.) But I seem to do the opposite now. When the anxiety amongst others rises, I go to a calm and happy place. Maybe it's years of angst underneath my belt and finally realizing that freaking out simply never helps the situation. It's not like you work better. Or faster. Or somehow see the answers more clearly. Nope. Your brain fuzzes over and your heart beats too fast and you make mistakes. It can be an addictive feeling - the adrenaline buzz of STRESS!!!!! But I think I may have finally kicked the habit.
Maybe I just realized real life provides enough hurdles and seemingly unsolvable challenges, that work just isn't worth a freak out.
I go into calm mommy mode when everyone starts to lose it. Then they get more frustrated with me. Trying to convince me that I just don't understand. If I understood, I would surely be this freaked out too. Of course! Come join me in this mess and stress and angst because it really is crazy right nowandwe'renotgonnamakeitthroughthiscan'tyousee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No, I get it. But I'm gonna stay here. My body rejects the anxiety. My brain can't handle the speed. My heart wants to beat at a normal pace. And maybe, if I stay calm, I'll find a way out of whatever mess we find ourselves in at this particular moment. Or I won't. And it will be ok too.
But it feels better to quiet the mind rather than run endless laps around the problem. One calm lap. And a little progress is generally made. And then it doesn't seem quite so dire after all.
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