I find myself in this strange place in my life right now where I have a full life, lots of friends, great job, writing a lot... but no one to rely on. Except myself. I have dear friends - close friends who I'd do anything for and who'd do anything for me - but they don't live here in San Francisco anymore. My brother lives in Los Angeles. So while he'd certainly do anything for me (and did in the last year as I needed his help more than ever), he's a 7 hour drive away. If I'm in trouble, I need someone closer.
I've been at Levi's 13 years. I've been through my share of friend cycles there. And I find myself now, somewhat alone. My besties have left for greener pastures. Apple, Sephora, Converse. My old standbys have left as well. I'm in the throes of finding new compadres but the shut the door, say anything, keep a secret kind of friend - well, they're not there right now. Which doesn't mean I don't have plenty of people to eat lunch with, share a laugh with, have a drink with. I do. But what I need is a tad bigger than that.
I went to the doctor last week and had to fill in new forms. I was stopped dead in my tracks around the "emergency contact" line. It should be someone local. Hmmm. Should be someone that will show up. Hmmm. Should be someone I wouldn't feel too too badly for if I had to call them in the middle of the night. I don't ask much of people. So if you rank as someone I'd call in the middle of the night - say if I'm in labor - well, we're sistahs. With my brother gone, my college friends (the ones you'd lay down your life for kind of friends) all dispersed around the country, my parents in Pennsylvania, well - I didn't know who to put down. I found myself wishing I lived near my parents. Hmmm. I ended up picking my ex. He might be the last person I'd want to call. But he'd show up. If only because he'd need to bring the kids. And he might think he got the call because I forgot to update the form post divorce, so he probably wouldn't even be mad.
But I need a better answer. My gal S provided it tonight over dinner. She said: I have no family here either. Hubbie and I need help sometimes. If a kid is sick, or we just have some sort of crisis. Will you help? Yes. Then I'll help you. Give me your phone tree. I'll call your mom. I'm your girl. I love you. You're like my big sister. Now hand over the emergency digits.
Love that girl.
I've been there. Actually I am there. After finding out 10 months ago that my wife had an affair after 12 years of marriage ( Believe it or not she was the one that actually loved me more!!) I have come to realize her family was my family. And now they are gone. I had a minor surgery last month. I had to fill out the "in case of emergency forms". For some reason I immediately felt like a total lonely loser when I had to write my ex-wife's name down on that form. And it was also a bit depressing when I had to have my mommy drive me home after the surgery. Thanks for your blog.
ReplyDeleteit's a sobering moment. until you recognize your blessings, in so many other forms. thanks for reading.
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