I switched from match.com to jdate.com recently. I've never dated a Jew in my life, despite being one - culturally if not religiously. What does that mean? Well, I like rye bread, empathize with Israel (but not excessively), use Yiddish words sporadically (I'm schvitzing!), love Philip Roth and Woody Allen, never eat mayonnaise with my corned beef, prefer bagels and smoked fish for brunch over most anything and am not ashamed of using the word "intellectual" as a positive attribute to describe those I respect. This might not be the real definition of culturally Jewish but it's mine and I'm sticking to it.
I've always loved a Jewish man. My dad and my brother are both Jewish men and are smart, funny, sarcastic but not debilitatingly so, empathetic, good (make that great) husbands and proud intellectuals who like reading the New Yorker and debating cultural and political issues with gusto. I like these things! One could argue I married a Jewish man in a black man's body. He's neurotic (in a lovable way), can recite Manhattan verbatim, is smart beyond what might be considered even useful. He's got better rhythm and style than some Jewish men, but let's just say he got the best of both worlds. (There's bad stuff in there too, but we're not talking about that just now.) He does like mayonnaise beyond what makes me comfortable and has even been known to use Miracle Whip (egads!) but other than that, he could pass for pretty Jewish. I digress...this is not why I started writing.
I switched to jdate because I thought, in general, the smart factor might be higher here than on match. This is a total prejudice - in a positive way. I doubt Jews are inherently smarter but there is an emphasis placed on education and intellect that perhaps drive a greater comfort with claiming it and a greater intellectual curiosity than the "general market". Maybe not. So what. It's what I assumed.
I have nothing to report yet - no dates as of this Tuesday morning - but I will say this: they believe just as much as Goyim that it is their right to date women MUCH younger than they are the second time around. AHHHH! Really? Because I'm a 42 year old woman probably on the outskirts of being able to have a kid (let alone want to), I should have to date a 65 year old? That is only 3 years younger than my dad, by the way. It's old. Too old for me, I fundamentally believe. We might only have a few years together if it were to work out. The average lifespan for men is what? 72? That would give us 7 years. Just in time for the itch to set in. And I'd have to get past sheer oldness.
I imagine "old" looking when you've grown old together is just fine and dandy. I look at my husband - almost ex - who looks undeniably older than when I met him (gray hair, thinning, gray beard, no belly though) and I don't see old. I see handsome and distinguished. But if I met him now, would I? Maybe. He's pretty handsome. But my point is, you carry the younger man with you in memory as they age, and you can see what they looked like before. This makes meeting later in life challenging. But I think we are fundamentally wired to be attracted to people of the same age. Unless "we" are a man. Apparently.
I am inundated with emails and "flirts" (the jdate equivalent of a match.com "wink" or a facebook "poke") from old dudes. Yikes. And then just this weekend I met the new girlfriend of a guy I know, a guy about my age, and she appeared to be no older than 22. More than 20 years younger than he is. Ahhhh!!! If he thinks he should date her then that means I should date 65! Not gonna do it.
This is the male equivalent of Botox. It is fighting death and aging. The logic (or lack thereof) must be: If I can date someone 20 years younger than myself maybe I'll actually appear 20 years younger. Maybe I'll actually BE 20 years younger. Women pump their faces with poison instead. If I can eliminate "the appearance of fine lines" maybe I'll actually appear younger. Maybe I'll actually BE younger. No you won't. You won't even appear younger. You will appear to be an undignified, ashamed 40-something who isn't comfortable in her own skin, with where she is in the trajectory of her life. You will appear to be a 45 year old woman who gets a lot of Botox. Period.
And gentlemen, you will simply appear to be old men fucking young girls trying to fuck your way back to youth which, I don't need to tell you, is impossible. And she's probably going to want to screw more than you can handle, but of course, I forgot about the little blue pills, so never mind. But you still won't be young. You won't be 20. And you certainly won't have any interesting conversations.
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